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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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My dog is really good at playing fetch
I think I’m going to promote him to branch manager
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Previous Dates
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What do you call a witch who lives in the desert?
A sand witch
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[Walks up to coworker's desk] I know I don't say this often enough,
but than you for not showing me pictures of your kids.
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My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to check their reflexes.
He really gets a kick out of it.
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I finally found a drink that will help me get my butt in shape.
Acetone.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
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1
Why did the Muffin go to the doctor?
He was feeling crummy.
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0
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9!
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Im going to be a circumcision doctor...
The pays not good but i get to keep the tips
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Never, ever invest in Velcro....
It's a total rip-off
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Keep the Earth clean.
It isn't Uranus.
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A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink, bartender looks at him and says
"for you, no charge."
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1
Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish.
The results speak for themselves.
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0
Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump’s wall
On the condition he gets to install windows
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0
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. It has so many black belts.
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How does am armless man play poker?
With a chip on his shoulder.
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Why shouldn't sandwiches have kids?
Because they are in bread.
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The person who invented autocorrect
should burn in hello.
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What do you call a happy rabbit?
A hoptimist
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As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.
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Where do naughty rainbows go?
Prism.
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2
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends. So she said I was useless in bed.
Should have seen her face, when they all disagreed.
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What did the painter do when it got cold...
He put on another coat
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12
What do you call a funny jar of mayonnaise?
LMAYO
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0
People who wear glasses must be excited for next year.
It's the first time they'll see 2020.
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0
How do you offer a dinosaur something to drink?
Tea, Rex?
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Doctor: I'm sorry sir, but you have colon cancer...
Me: No: I don:t believe you:
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What do you call a funky car?
A mustang.
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What do you call when you have your grandmother on speed dial?
Insta gram
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I would like to thank my hands.
I can always count on you.
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Where do beekeepers stay on vacation?
Air bee and bee.
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Unfortunately, my obese parrot just died.
It is, however, a huge weight off my shoulders
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Joke of the Day
My dog is really good at playing fetch
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