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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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My dog is really good at playing fetch
I think I’m going to promote him to branch manager
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Previous Dates
1
I cooked a medium rare steak for my friend and he said, “I like it well done.”
I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”
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3
Its getting too hot to wear a suit
The weather just isn't suitable
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0
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.
The doctor says it's terminal.
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0
What did the painter do when it got cold...
He put on another coat
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1
Dad: when I was your age I ran a maratho. Son: you mean marathon.
Dad: no I didn’t finish it.
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0
Time flies when you're having fun.
When you're not having fun it usually takes the bus.
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1
I ran over 5 miles today
Like, what are the odds they were all named Miles? Crazy.
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0
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
Because it’s pointless!
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0
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
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0
Where does an electric cord go to shop?
An outlet mall.
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0
If spaghetti made an action movie, what would it be called?
Mission impastable
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0
The Only Thing Flat-Earthers Fear...
is sphere itself.
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0
What do you call a cheese that isn't yours?
NACHO CHEESE!
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1
What superhero gets hurt the easiest?
Bruise Wayne
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1
What do you call a slow moving poop?
A turdle.
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0
I didn't think orthopedic shoes would help
But I stand corrected.
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0
Did you hear about the guy who ate bananas whole?
He didn’t peel too well
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0
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
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3
Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"
Me: "Word"
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0
What kind of shoes do spies wear?
Sneakers
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0
Call me a taxi!
You're a taxi!
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0
June’s over?
Julyin
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-1
What do you call a noodle that doesn’t drink?
Soba
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0
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!
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0
Why shouldn't you shower with a Pokemon around?
Because they might sneak a Pikachu.
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0
Americans can't switch from pounds to kilograms overnight.
That would cause mass confusion.
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0
People say I have equivocal thoughts
But they clearly don't see it.
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0
As my Dad used to say, “when one door closes, another one opens.”
Lovely man, lousy cabinet maker though.
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0
The other day my best friend met his fate after accidentally falling into a printing press at work.
You probably read about him, he was in all the papers.
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0
After 20 years of working on it, I finally finished my physics book.
It was about time.
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-1
I'm a walking economy. My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation,
and it's all putting me into a deep depression.
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Joke of the Day
My dog is really good at playing fetch
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