The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.

Previous Dates

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My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to check their reflexes.

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I finally found a drink that will help me get my butt in shape.

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

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Why did the Muffin go to the doctor?

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

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Im going to be a circumcision doctor...

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Never, ever invest in Velcro....

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Keep the Earth clean.

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A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink, bartender looks at him and says

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Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish.

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Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump’s wall

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Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?

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How does am armless man play poker?

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Why shouldn't sandwiches have kids?

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The person who invented autocorrect

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What do you call a happy rabbit?

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As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

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Where do naughty rainbows go?

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My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends. So she said I was useless in bed.

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What did the painter do when it got cold...

11

What do you call a funny jar of mayonnaise?

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People who wear glasses must be excited for next year.

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How do you offer a dinosaur something to drink?

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Doctor: I'm sorry sir, but you have colon cancer...

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What do you call a funky car?

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What do you call when you have your grandmother on speed dial?

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I would like to thank my hands.

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Where do beekeepers stay on vacation?

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Unfortunately, my obese parrot just died.

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There was a robbery at the Apple store.

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What do you call a fake noodle?