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Soccer striker: I had an open goal but still I didn't score. I could kick myself.
Manager: I wouldn't bother. You'd probably miss.
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What do you call the question of midgets?
Small wonders
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My grandfather has a funny story he likes to tell people about how a long time ago he swallowed his wedding ring and then it came out 10 years later. I've heard him tell it many times over the years.
It's old butt gold.
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Why are mints so smart?
Because mints make cents.
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I was kidnapped by mimes once
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