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Do you know the difference between England and a tea bag?
A tea bag could stay in the Cup longer.
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My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
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How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to do it and two to tell him, "You're looking huge man, you're looking huge!"
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My wife divorced me because I'm a compulsive gambler...
All I can think about is how to win her back!
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I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
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