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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
1
My wife and I share the same sense of humour.
We have to....She doesn't have one.
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Previous Dates
0
Knock-knock! Who's there? Cheetahs. Cheetahs who?
Cheetahs never win and winners never cheat.
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0
When my grandfather was ill, we rubbed lard on his back.
He went downhill quite quickly after that.
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0
Why did the static say to the other static?
I'm sick and tired of your interference!
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0
What do you call it when a dinosaur farts?
Exstink
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0
I took the shell of my racing snail, thinking it would help him run faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.
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What do you say when Newton slows down?
Newton's Loss of Motion.
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0
I find bone puns very
Humerus
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1
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs
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0
You know what's really odd?
Numbers not divisible by 2.
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0
There was a robbery at the Apple Store today.
They caught the guy because they had an iWitness.
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0
Just watched all the Harry Potter movies back to back with a friend
Stupid, really, because it meant I couldn't see the TV
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0
The guy at the tuxedo store keeps hovering around me, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”
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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple.
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0
Working at a mirror factory
is definitely something I can see myself doing
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0
Two lobsters are in a tank. One turns to the other and says,
"Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?"
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0
Just so everybody's clear,
I'm going to put my glasses on.
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0
What do you call a fairy that has not taken a bath?
Stinker Bell
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0
Two goldfish are in a tank, one turns and says to the other,
“how do you drive this thing?”
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0
Simple Math
If I had 50 cents for every failed math test I every took, I would have like $ 6.30 by now.
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0
A man has been stealing wheels off of police cars
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
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0
The guy that invented the umbrella was gonna call it the brella.
But he hesitated.
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0
I don't know if my ceiling is the best ceiling,
but it's definitely up there!
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1
My new job at the nuclear reactor requires me to take anger management classes.
They're to prevent meltdowns.
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0
The 5 signs of laziness
1.
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Son: "Dad, what are clouds made of?"
Dad: "data and Linux servers"
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1
My middle school once had an anti-bulling activity and our teacher all told us "If you see something, say something!"
The blind kid didn't say a word for the rest of the school year.
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0
After a few years, talked with my ex-wife and she still misses me
But her aim is getting better
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0
Lance is a pretty uncommon name today.
In medieval times people were named lance a lot.
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I just witnessed a guy getting shot with a paintball gun.
He dyed on impact.
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0
What do you get when you cross an Olympic swimmer with an elephant?
Swimming trunks
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0
No one:
0, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
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Joke of the Day
My wife and I share the same sense of humour.
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