The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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My dog is really good at playing fetch

Previous Dates

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A sketchy guy just came into my shop and bought six smoke machines. So I called the cops.

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What do sprinters eat before a race?

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What do you do after an Apple turns bad?

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Alligators can grow up to 13 feet.

4

Thought I heard someone say “Hello” in Arabic

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A Chinese child was born before his due date...

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I saw a Korean martial artist holding out a basket of donuts. When I asked to take 2, he said no.

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Why did the pencil get flushed down the toilet?

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What do call a dinosaur without gold?

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What did the flower say to the bicycle?

1

What is the opposite of a croissant?

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I think my iPhone's broken

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Don't you hate it when a teacher lies and says the homework will be a piece of cake?

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Do you think..

-1

My wife asked me if I'm ever gonna stop singing "Wonderwall"

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If you suck at playing the trumpet,

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My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.

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I have a Russian friend who is a sound technician.

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Why did the dentist stick some X-rays in his mouth?

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Why can't you play basketball with pigs?

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What do you call someone who sells themselves in exchange for spaghetti?

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When debating letters, you always want "i" and "j" on your team.

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What's made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

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I call my toilet "the jim" instead of "the john."

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My twin brother always takes the stairs, but I prefer taking the elevator.

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My son tied his first tie today.

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What do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?

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What do you call a piece of wood with nothing to do?

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Did you hear about the guy who had the whole left side of his body amputated?

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Did you hear about the new dating site for retired chemists?

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What does the Hawaiian suicide bomber say?