The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.

Previous Dates

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Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together.

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What's the difference between "comma" and "coma"?

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I once dated a girl in ISIS

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Why was the big cat disqualified from the race?

1

Why couldn't the bike stand up by itself?

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My dog accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles today..

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Which food should you only eat in the bathroom?

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The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, everyone will say,

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My daughter texted me wondering why I was so happy all day.

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When my grandfather was ill, we rubbed lard on his back.

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My friend David just lost his ID.

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Why don’t blind people skydive?

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What do Mexicans eat when it's cold out?

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Finally left my job at the circus where I was part of the human pyramid

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I quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big or strong enough.

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Why couldn’t the sailors play cards?

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Before my father died he worked in a circus as a stilt walker.

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What does Devil use to make calls?

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If I dont perfect human cloning..

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My wife sent me an article that says men's beards have more germs than dogs.

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Did you hear about the 2 guys that stole a calendar?

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To be frank

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What kind of tea you drink with the Queen?

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My wife came back from the store complaining about how the lady at the register was a total bitch.

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If you commit a 1st degree murder in Canada

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Where do mice park their boats?

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What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?

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I try to tell everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.

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I shot my enemy with a paintball gun

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I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory

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My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”