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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
1
My wife and I share the same sense of humour.
We have to....She doesn't have one.
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Previous Dates
0
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.
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3
A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
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0
Dads are like boomerangs
I hope
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0
Why did the mexican gang fail?
It only had Juan member
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0
What did the unborn twins say when they were hungry?
Feedus
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0
What type of people never get angry?
The nomads.
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0
My friend bit off his tongue.
He doesn’t like to talk about it.
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1
What's it called when a chameleon can't change color?
Reptile dysfunction.
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0
I've started investing in stocks...
Mostly beef, chicken, and vegetable. One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.
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0
I had to give up on my idea to create a miniature flamethrower
It was burning a hole in my pocket
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1
If your mom slaps you with high frequency
It Hertz
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0
Today, I accidentally played dad instead of dead when a bear was running at me
He can now ride a bike without training wheels
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0
What do you call a sheep without legs?
A cloud.
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1
“Dad, is the Fibonacci sequence hard to understand?”
“Nope. It’s as easy as 1,1,2,3.”
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0
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
He was too far out, man.
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0
What do you call an unbelievable story about a basketball player?
A tall tale.
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0
Knock-knock! Who's there? Desdemona. Desdemona who?
Desdemona Lisa still hang in the Louvre?
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0
The iPhone vs Android debate has to stop!
It's too devicive.
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0
A shoplifter stole an entire case of red bull from my store
I don’t know how he sleeps at night
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0
Knock-knock! Who's there? Disaster. Disaster who?
Disaster be my lucky day!
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0
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory,
I mean, all I did was take a day off.
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0
What do you call a happy rabbit?
A hoptimist
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0
My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall…
But it was his dumb asphalt…
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0
Why can't a father teach his girl about buying bras?
Because a mother knows breast.
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0
What are the four worst words you can hear on a golf course?
"It's still your turn."
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1
If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, what is C for?
Plastic explosives.
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0
What do you call a pissed off redhead?
A gingersnap!
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0
What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance?
Nina.
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0
What do you call a fake noodle?
An Impasta.
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0
What did the latino man sing when he lost his job?
Living la Vida Broke-a
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-1
My teacher told me I would never be any good at Poetry because of my dyslexia....
But so far I've made 3 vases and a jug.
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Joke of the Day
My wife and I share the same sense of humour.
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