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What type of people never get angry?
The nomads.
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I was taught to never use the Oxford comma
by Mrs. Henderson, my high school English teacher and a first-rate whore.
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Interviewer: We're looking for someone who is responsible. Do you fit that criteria?
Candidate: Well, in my last job when the store caught fire, my boss said that I was responsible.
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My Sister Bet Me $15 I Couldn't Build a Car Out Of Spaghetti
You should of seen her face as I drove pasta.
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My dog is really good at playing fetch
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