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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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How did the T-rex feel after his workout?
A little Dinosore
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Previous Dates
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Why can't dogs play video games?
When they do, its always on paws.
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1
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines
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1
A good romance starts with a good friendship. A bad romance on the other hand starts with...
Ra ra ah ah ah, ro ma ro ma ma, ga ga ooh la la, want yo bad romance.
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I have always wondered what it would be like to use a professional telescope.
I’m thinking of looking into it.
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Did you hear about the football team that doesn't have a website
They can't string three Ws together.
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Do you know how I embrace my mistakes?
I hug my wife and children.
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11
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"Damn that was a hard drive."
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What did the unborn twins say when they were hungry?
Feedus
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The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
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0
What does a dyslexic agnostic insomniac do on his free time?
He stays up at night wondering if there really is a dog.
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2
I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10 am
I'm really not a mourning person.
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I used to hate facial hair
But then it grew on me
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When debating letters, you always want "i" and "j" on your team.
They always have a point.
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1
I wanted to impress my friends, so I learned how to improve my guitar skills.
It was A Major task but I can only C Minor improvement.
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0
What do French people say when riding a roller coaster?
OUUUIIIIIIIIII
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Who is a horses best friend?
The Neighbor.
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I’m not super experienced with wood carving.
I only know a whittle.
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1
I needed a password eight characters long
I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
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0
Did you hear about the circus fire?
It was in tents!
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0
Working out is like a drug to me.
I don’t do drugs.
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0
I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson…
He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
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A sheep dog says to the farmer, "I'm going to round up the sheep." The dog comes back with 50 sheep. The farmers says, "we only have 48 sheep."
The dog replies, "Yea, I told you I was going to round them up."
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What do you call a blind deer?
No-eye-deer
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What do you call a dead lizard?
A Die-nosaur
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Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open during lockdown?
They are key workers
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My wife and I lost 100 lbs combined!
She lost 120 lbs. I gained 20.
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1
I've developed a fear of negative numbers.
I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
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2
I can cut wood by looking at it
I saw it with my own eyes
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0
Unlike Fathers day,
Son day is celebrated every week
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2
Husband: Help! My wife is going into labor! 911 Operator: Is this her first child?
Husband: No, this is her husband.
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0
Did you know that Iceland...
...is only one sea away from Ireland?
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Joke of the Day
How did the T-rex feel after his workout?
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