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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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My dog is really good at playing fetch
I think I’m going to promote him to branch manager
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Previous Dates
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What sound does a bouncing plane make?
Boeing boeing boeing...
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0
What do you call a bad interior decorator?
An inferior decorator
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0
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they would be bagels
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1
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type
As he died, he kept insisting "be positive", but it's hard without him.
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0
I took a selfie after my kidney removal surgery
Hashtag nofilter
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0
At first I thought it was great marrying an archeologist...
But then I found out she was a gold digger and my life is in ruins!
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3
I just took an AND test
Turns out I’m 100% dyslexic.
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0
Apparently you can't use "beefsoup" as a password.
It isn't stroganoff.
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0
My brother and I laugh at how competitive we were as kids.
But I laugh more.
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0
What is a mummy's favorite music genre?
Wrap
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0
My wife made me a millionaire
Granted I was a billionaire before I met her.
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0
I said to my wife, "They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience..."
"Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn't think it hurt that much."
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0
Do you know why I can’t be buried in a cemetery?
Because I’m still alive.
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0
What do you call a dog without legs?
It doesn’t matter. It won’t come if you call it.
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1
A joke about herd immunity isn't funny unless..
..everyone gets it.
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-1
My blind friend was left by his deaf wife.
He didn't see the signs.
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0
What do you call a sketchy Italian neighbourhood?
A spaghetto
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0
Why didn’t the melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe
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1
How does the Earth keep itself clean?
Meteor shower
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6
I stole my ex girlfriend’s wheelchair
Guess who came crawling back
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0
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
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0
A man standing on a riverbank yells to a woman on the other side, "Hey, how do I get to the other side of the river?"
"You're already on the other side!"
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0
How did the farmer mend the holes in his jeans?
With cabbage patches.
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0
What is it called when one butt cheek is bigger than the other?
Assymmetrical
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0
How do ponies communicate with each other?
Horse code.
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0
What’s blue and not heavy
Light blue
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1
Since i have COVID people tell me i enjoy bad music and movies
Guess i have become tasteless
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0
My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick.
Especially because his name’s Steve.
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1
Did you hear about the Giant that threw up?
It’s all over town.
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0
Why can't a father teach his girl about buying bras?
Because a mother knows breast.
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0
When I was born I was so surprised,
I didn't talk for a year and a half.
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Joke of the Day
My dog is really good at playing fetch
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