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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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My dog is really good at playing fetch
I think I’m going to promote him to branch manager
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Previous Dates
-2
If Jesus was the Lamb of God and Mary gave birth to Jesus..
..Then Mary had a little Lamb.
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"I want to hate my life in a different building"
-person looking for a new job
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Shout out to the people wondering
what the opposite of “in” is.
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Do you know why you can't hear pterodactyls urinate?
Because they are extinct.
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What do you do if you are addicted to seaweed?
You seakelp
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What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
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I came up with a new word yesterday:
Plagiarism.
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I changed my iPhone name to Titanic.
It’s syncing now.
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Did you hear about the dumb guy who got fired from his job at the M&M's factory?
He kept throwing away all the candies that had W's on them.
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I adopted a dog that used to belong to a blacksmith.
First thing he did when I got him home was make a bolt for the door.
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My wife got me an alarm clock out of the blue.
I was alarmed.
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2
I once made a belt out of $50 bills
It was a waist of money
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0
Last night I dreamed I wrote Lord of the Rings.
Guess I was Tolkien in my sleep.
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Narnia was a really progressive film
Most of the main characters came out of the closet
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0
Why did the two 4s skip dinner?
They already 8!
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1
Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight
Sigh...
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0
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
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What do you call 52 pieces of bread?
A deck of carbs!
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1
How did the whale defend itself?
With a swordfish.
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0
Broken bridges really annoy me.
I just can't get over them!
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0
Why did the archaeologist have a breakdown?
His career was in ruins.
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How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
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0
Why is the letter B so cool?
Because it’s sitting in the middle of the AC
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Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'No-Bell' prize.
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Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A white horse in a mud puddle.
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Why do trees have so many friends?
They branch out.
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Want to hear a joke about sodium hypobromite?
NaBrO.
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What do you call a walking stick that makes you walk faster?
A hurricane.
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I don’t mean to toot my own horn
But sometimes I have trouble getting into the driver’s seat.
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Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
He was too far out, man.
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Rated
This joke will be underrated.
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Joke of the Day
My dog is really good at playing fetch
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