The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I was kidnapped by mimes once

Previous Dates

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Whenever my dad goes to get gas he says “regular please” and when the gas station attendant (we live in Oregon) asks “fill?” my dad replies

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Which cult is the toughest?

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A furniture store keeps calling me...

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What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar use?

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“Doc, I think I have ADHD. I keep forgetting where I parked my Ford.” Doctor: That’s not how ADHD works.

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I’ve deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone.

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I was on a date with a woman who said "I am a big country fan."

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England doesn't have a kidney bank.

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Did you hear about the cartoonist found dead at his home?

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What do you say to someone you tried to drown but didn't succeed?

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When does Floyd like to go to the beach?

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Ever tried to eat a clock?

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Yesterday a clown held a door open for me.

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Do you know how I embrace my mistakes?

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Someone insulted me on my monitor's refresh rate,

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The candle quit his job

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Why are the North Koreans the best at geometry?

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My son said, “Dad, I have to pee very badly!”

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Why does the man want to buy nine rackets?

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

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A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building. Security stops him and says,

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Last night, I had a dream that I was a muffler.

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My wife is still mad at me because I accidentally put superglue on her pen a few days ago.

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The garbage man looks sad.

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What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?

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What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

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I heard this girl talking about how much she hates stalkers.

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Why did Waldo wear stripes?

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What do you call a five foot psychic that's escaped from jail?

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What did the unborn twins say when they were hungry?

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A sketchy guy just came into my shop and bought six smoke machines. So I called the cops.