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Matt Damon is severely depressed because he keeps getting typecast as an action hero.
He wishes he was never Bourne.
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I said to my wife, "They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience..."
"Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn't think it hurt that much."
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I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant.
We broke up because she couldn’t stomach my cheesy jokes.
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What's funny about 3 helium atoms?
He He He
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Husband: Whisper dirty things to me.
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