The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I was kidnapped by mimes once

Previous Dates

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Dad to his daughter: "Never forget, sweetie, you're unique,

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I have a joke about time travel

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Why don't developers carry guns?

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I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.

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What's red and smells like blue paint?

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Ebay is useless. I tried searching for lighters

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When I was young, my dad used to tear up the last page of all my comic books and never told me why.

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I wrote down the names of everyone I hate a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll a joint.

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I wrote down the names of everyone I hate a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll a joint.

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I have a confession to make, I was addicted to soap.

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What did the doctor say to his patient that wanted to do his own stitches?

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I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying.

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My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.

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Why is Magic Johnson not afraid of going deaf?

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Why was Nala so upset with Simba?

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Why do the riot police always arrive early to protests?

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Did you hear about the new vegan parallel lines?

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How do trees access the internet?

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How do fish get high?

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What did one butt cheek say to the other?

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“What to call a bear who’s lost all its teeth?

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For Christmas, I bought my wife new beads for her abacus.

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People say that swiss cheese is the best...

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I was fired from a bank.

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As my Dad used to say, “when one door closes, another one opens.”

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What do sprinters eat before a race?

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Without nipples!

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What do you call a careful wolf ?

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Call me a taxi!

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What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

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What brand of car does an Egg drive?