I asked my wife if I’m the only one she had ever slept with.
She said “Yes.... all the other guys were nines or tens”
I want to die like my grandpa did, in his sleep.
Not screaming like the people in the back seat of his car.
If Jesus was real they wouldn't call it the crucifixion
They would call it crucifact.
When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway!
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
What does a zombie vegetarian eat?