Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
I like playing chess with old people in the park...
But it's kind of hard to find 32 of them.
My wife sent me an article that says men's beards have more germs than dogs.
I approve. There are no dogs in my beard.
My wife is threatening to leave me because I’m addicted to wearing a new T-shirt every half an hour.
I said, “Wait! I can change!”