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What did the hat say to the hat rack?
You stay here. I’ll go on a head.
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My wife came back from the store complaining about how the lady at the register was a total bitch.
I asked her if she was at self check out. Looks like I'm sleeping on the couch.
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.
He shouts, “A beer please! And one for the road!”
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I always knock when I open the fridge
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
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Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes...
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