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Doctor: I had to take your colon.
Me why?
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My wife is threatening to leave me because I’m addicted to wearing a new T-shirt every half an hour.
I said, “Wait! I can change!”
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What weighs more? A pound of milk or a pound of ricotta cheese?
A pound of milk. The ricotta is whey less.
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I wrote a sequel to the movie "Airplane"
It never took off, the pilot was terrible.
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My first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
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