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I couldn’t decide on how much lettuce to buy, until my wife helped me think it through.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
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I can count on one hand how many times I've visited Chernobyl
7 times
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Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
He was feeling crummy.
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My wife caught me performing an action scene from The Matrix, but luckily she thought I was doing yoga exercises.
I just dodged a bullet.
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My first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
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