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I was on a date with a woman who said "I am a big country fan."
Me trying to sound intelligent: " Well, China is 3.7 million square miles. "
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My dad banned me from saying "Hell", so I asked: "Have you thought of any alternative names for hell?"
He said: "I heaven't"
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What's the difference between popcorn and pea soup?
You can pop corn but ya can't pea soup!
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What do you call a broken can opener?
Can’t opener.....
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My first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
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