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Why should you be worried if you see cows smoking marijuana?
Cause that's when the steaks are highest.
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My girlfriend says if we don’t get married soon, she’s gonna kill me.
...it’s a matter of wife or death.
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Do you know why I can’t be buried in a cemetery?
Because I’m still alive.
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Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
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What’s it called when you kill chickpeas?
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