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I’ve been caught money laundering.
My brother found $20 in my shorts taking them out of the dryer
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Today I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.....
And I gotta say that's true because I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey
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Why did the squirrel swim on it’s back?
To keep it’s nuts dry.
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What kind of tea do hockey players drink?
Penaltea.
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Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
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