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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What exactly happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. No time.”
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I watched a movie about graphs last night, but I was slightly disappointed.
The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.
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My wife yelled at me, telling me to put the toilet seat down..
Don't know why I was carrying it around in the first place.
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Just heard about a dwarf who was pickpocketed
How could anyone stoop so low?
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Wife: "Honey, I'm Pregnant."
Husband: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad" Wife: "No you're not...."
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My deaf wife just told me that “we need to talk.”
That was not a good sign.
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My wife is still mad at me because I accidentally put superglue on her pen a few days ago.
She just can’t seem to let it go.
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My dog is really good at playing fetch
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