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My wife yelled at me, telling me to put the toilet seat down..
Don't know why I was carrying it around in the first place.
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Guy at the door: Sir, would you like to make a donation to the local orphanage?
Dad: No problem. (To me) Hey, you live with this guy from now on.
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This one time, all the rooms in a hotel were booked. But then comes this one guy, who asks for a room, in the same hotel, and gets one easily.
Because his name was Improvement. And there's always room for improvement.
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If number 666 is evil
25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.
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I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
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