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I had a racing snail...
To make him more aero-dynamic I took off its shell. If anything it made him more sluggish
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Wife: What are you doing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
Husband: I was looking for the expiration date.
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What do you say to comfort an English teacher?
They're, there, their.
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Momma always told me "you are what you eat!" So I started eating mushrooms every day.
I wanted to become a fun guy.
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What do you call it when you go back for another helping of ice cream?
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