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Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?
Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
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Burned my Hawaiian pizza today,
I should've cooked it on aloha temperature.
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My son said "Look! I'm a 3D printer!"
I told him to shut the toilet door when he poops.
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My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
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My wife asked me if I'm ever gonna stop singing "Wonderwall"
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