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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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My wife said I should stop acting like a flamingo
I had to put my foot down
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I used to get heartburn whenever I ate birthday cake...
... until the doctor told me to take the candles off first!
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What do you call a person who is happy on a Monday?
Retired!
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What's the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist?
The literalist takes things literally. The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
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I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today
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