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A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night
Oof
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Did you hear about the angry pancake?
He just flipped.
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"Sergeant! Sergeant! The troops are revolting!"
"Well, you're no prize pig yourself."
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What do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?
A widow.
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I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra."
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