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What's the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist?
The literalist takes things literally. The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
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My wife told me that I have a dad bod.
I disagree. I clearly have a father figure.
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Did you hear about the funeral for boiled water?
It was mist.
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I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B!
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Why don’t blind people skydive?
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