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What's the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist?
The literalist takes things literally. The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
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My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink…
No one listened, but he kept warning them until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the cinema.
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How do you drown a hipster?
In the mainstream.
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Dentists always ask dumb questions like “when’s the last time you flossed?”
Like bro you were there!
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What did the sushi say to the bee?
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