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Yesterday I slapped Dwayne Johnson's ass.
I've officially hit rock bottom.
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My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at work.
So, I have an uncle, once removed.
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Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
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Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
He was too far out, man.
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What's a drunk astronauts favourite part of a computer?
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