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What do cigarettes and squirrels have in common?
They're both perfectly safe until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
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Why was the calendar depressed?
Because it’s days were numbered!
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How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?
That was supposed to be in place a week ago.
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Doctor, I think I need glasses.
Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank.
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What’s it called when you kill chickpeas?
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