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Pride is what you feel when your kids net $100 from a garage sale.
Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.
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My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”
I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”
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Did you hear what happened at Chernobyl?
I’m not sure, but I think they were overreacting
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Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
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I’m so bored that I just memorized six pages of the dictionary.
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