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My wife just gave me a restraining order..
Who knew there was an incorrect way to use a colander.
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My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”
I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”
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You know there's no official training for garbagemen?
They just pick things up as they go along.
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Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon?
Because he was a paleontologist.
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What language do geese speak?
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