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My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink…
No one listened, but he kept warning them until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the cinema.
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I think my wife is leaving me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions.
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Every morning after I get up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of shit to IKEA.
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I was kidnapped by mimes once
They did unspeakable things to me.
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What do you call a nose with no body?
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