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My dog used to chase people on a scooter a lot.
It got so bad we had to take his scooter away.
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I met some aliens from outer space.
They were pretty down to earth.
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Doctor: I'm afraid your DNA is backwards, sir.
Me: AND?
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My wife thinks we should allow our pets to share our bed.... I finally gave in.
After 10 minutes, our goldfish finally settled down.
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What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
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