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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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Did you hear about the twins who got an apartment together?
Before they were roommates they were wombmates.
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Dad: Why is your January report card so bad?
Kid: Things are always marked down after Christmas.
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My dog used to chase people on a scooter a lot.
It got so bad we had to take his scooter away.
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My wife said to me, 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?'
I said, 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.'
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Did you hear about the marble statue that left her husband?
She was tired of being taken for granite.
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I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house
but the kids still get in.
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Teenager's dad: Have her back by 8:15.
Daughter's boyfriend: The middle of august? Great!
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Parallel lines have so much in common.
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