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Did you hear about the marble statue that left her husband?
She was tired of being taken for granite.
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What's the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist?
The literalist takes things literally. The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
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Gold walks into a bar
The bartender says "AU get out of here!"
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My wife told me, "You're a better husband than I'll ever be."
I responded, "Who the hell is Oliver B.??"
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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...
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