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In college, I was so broke that I couldn’t afford to pay the electricity bill.
Those were the darkest days of my life.
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I asked my wife if I’m the only one she had ever slept with.
She said “Yes.... all the other guys were nines or tens”
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A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?". "For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"
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Justice is a dish best served cold,
if it were served warm it would be justwater.
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My first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
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