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I was arrested the other day for stealing people's electrons.
I was heavily charged, despite my victims saying it was an overall positive experience.
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My wife asked for a divorce today, saying I was too un-American.
I saw it coming from a kilometer away.
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I keep trying to lose weight,
but it keeps finding me.
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Why shouldn't you stay close to a speaker all the time?
Because it hertz your ears!
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What do you say to comfort an English teacher?
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