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Burned my Hawaiian pizza today,
I should've cooked it on aloha temperature.
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I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”
I shouted, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
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What has two legs and flies?
Mike Pence.
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If you think Thursdays are depressing, wait two days.
It will be a sadder day.
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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...
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