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A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night
Oof
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Did you hear about the guy who had the whole left side of his body amputated?
He's alright now.
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I’m never again donating money to anyone collecting for a marathon.
They just take the money and run.
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If a child refuses to go to sleep, is he resisting arrest?
No, he's avoiding a kidnapping.
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I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
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