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I’m never again donating money to anyone collecting for a marathon.
They just take the money and run.
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My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday… said maybe they'll marry eachother.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
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What has two legs and flies?
Mike Pence.
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I don’t mean to toot my own horn
But sometimes I have trouble getting into the driver’s seat.
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What do you call a piece of wood with nothing to do?
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