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At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What exactly happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. No time.”
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As a lumberjack, I know that I've cut exactly 3,141 trees.
I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
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Which nail does a carpenter hate to hit?
A thumbnail.
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People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah?
When's the last time you've ever heard of anyone who rested to death?
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I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra."
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