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I was born in the morning at 7:11
My parents thought it was pretty cool, but the store clerk wasn't happy about the mess.
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I just found out my girlfriend gave me an STD
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Why do the riot police always arrive early to protests?
Because they like to beat the crowd.
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Walking home last night, I passed a slice of apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought to myself, “The streets seem strangely desserted…”
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What bug did dinosaurs hate the most?
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