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At first I thought it was great marrying an archeologist...
But then I found out she was a gold digger and my life is in ruins!
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My dad bought me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday.
I couldn't find the words to thank him.
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I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal.
Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.
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Pride is what you feel when your kids net $100 from a garage sale.
Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.
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Golf pro: Now I want you to go through the motions without actually hitting the ball.
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