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I was at a restaurant with my wife when a waitress suddenly screamed, "Does anyone know CPR??"
I shouted, "Even better, I know the whole alphabet!" Everyone laughed... Well, everyone except this one guy.
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My wife swiped our debit card on my butt crack.
She said "transaction denied, insufficient buns."
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Did you hear about the twins who got an apartment together?
Before they were roommates they were wombmates.
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What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios.
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What do you get when you cross the Atlantic on the Titanic?
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