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I lost five pounds last week,
but I found them in a fridge over the weekend.
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Why shouldn't sandwiches have kids?
Because they are in bread.
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I made a graph showing my past relationships..
It was an ex axis and a why axis.
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In my twenties, I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
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Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes...
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