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I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory
I’ll beheading there shortly
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Yesterday I walked in on my girlfriend in bed with her personal trainer
I told her, "This isn't working out"
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What's the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist?
The literalist takes things literally. The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
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The barman said "sorry, we don't serve time travellers"
Two time travellers walk into a bar
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I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra."
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