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A person asked me, "Aren't you the guy who brags about weird stuff?"
I replied, "No, Im the guy who takes the longest baths in the city".
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What do you call 2 crows?
Attempted murder.
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What's the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist?
The literalist takes things literally. The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
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Wife asked me why i don't take her anywhere.
I answered: "What's the point, you always come back."
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Why did the orange juice factory worker lose his job?
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