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Wife: What are you doing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
Husband: I was looking for the expiration date.
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What do lawyers wear to work everyday?
Their lawsuit.
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Kids: So, how are you liking your cell phone? Kid: Mom? Kid: Why aren't you answering?
Mom: Howdoyoudoaspace
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What does a condiment wizard perform?
Saucery
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Whenever I see a school bus, I think about my uncles last words...
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