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Why do police get to riots early?
To beat the crowd
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My wife swiped our debit card on my butt crack.
She said "transaction denied, insufficient buns."
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How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?
Tentacles
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3
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at work.
So, I have an uncle, once removed.
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My dog is really good at playing fetch
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